I am just dreamer from where I should begin ?
I am very dreamy you know , to a person in my age whose 23 and in a few months will turn into 24 .. I don't feel like my age at all maybe cause I still have the imagination of a 5 years old girl and I really enjoy it . It helped me to survive this far .
I always has this wide imagination , where I wish to have some supernatural powers . maybe cause I feel sometimes that I don't belong to this world . it's not that I feel egoistic or superior over other people .
It's just I am kind of loner .
It's been a couple of days since I really had long conversation with anyone . my short and concise answers annoys everyone including me . I can barely pick a topic to talk about .
I am not the source of happiness to anyone anymore.
It's been a while I don't feel like myself , something changed .
I don't know what is it I am turning into a person who can even care less about anyone . overwhelmed maybe and feel like I am overwhelming the people I love and I care about the most .
but the thing is I don't care anymore , I don't know why I feel this . I tried to care but I don't . even if the world crush and burn right in front of me I wont move . only it would be there some more of hidden sorrow and grief .
all I get to hear is other people problems and the ones whose close I feel it without even they say it .
I really need to go and do some adventure instead of setting behind this stupid laptop trying to figure it all out !
I read that novel about the girl who's turned out to be a quarter angel however she fell for a human . who showed her real life is . but I wonder If I have ever get to have life before I die .
I read a short story in one of my friend's blog about how much he loves that three stars that shines the most in the night and how he dreams about touching them he gave me one big smile cause I dreamt of chasing them too like fireflies , it gave me hope to know that there are dreamers like me out in this world .
I hang up a call with one of my besties ever since school . she got recently divorced after a fairytale love story . she trying to act like she is fine . although I know it's the best for her but my heart is aching for her .
I remember our midnight call years ago . where we talked about arranged marriage and how suck it is to be with someone you don't love . she said to me do you think we marry after love story . I nodded yes of course we will. I was very sure then .
All I ever dreamt about is a person whom have a mutual affection and he propose,, it's not like I dreamt of doing things against my faith ..
But my friend story made me feel like fairy tales does not last forever I guess .
It's not that I can rely on arranged marriage either . I have known thousands of stories are even worse than my friend .
I am in a deep need of a person who wash away the dust over my heart . who conquer my world . give me back my belief in all the beautiful things I used to believe .. who's not afraid to do all the crazy things with me .. like camping to watch stars and moon or sunrise .. who's not afraid to live and have a life .. who will tell me to stop dreaming and start living them .. I ain't waiting for Mr perfect , nerd,arrogant , womaniser ........... ,or rich ! I guess I met them all . I need the one who will make me feel it's really right to be with him ! not that he is an angel without mistakes or disadvantages no he has all of this I can take it .
those words are not edited or read before it got published , it just it may light the weight over my shoulders ..
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